


Doing Without

by Callisto



Series: Season 5 codas [2]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Coda, Episode Related, Episode: s05e02 Good God Y'all!, Gen, Season/Series 05
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-04-09
Updated: 2011-04-09
Packaged: 2017-10-17 19:36:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 274
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/180450
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Callisto/pseuds/Callisto
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p><i>It takes everything he has to sit at the picnic table and wait it out. It’s an hour before he realizes he doesn’t even know what ‘it’ is, and that whatever the fuck, ‘it’ is not going to pass.</i></p>
            </blockquote>





	Doing Without

It takes everything he has to sit at the picnic table and wait it out. It’s an hour before he realizes he doesn’t even know what ‘it’ is, and that whatever the fuck, ‘it’ is not going to pass. So he gets in the car. And then it takes him another gut-churning minute or two to physically make the Impala go in the opposite direction to the one the camper took.

Once he’s on the road and driving he does better. He manages an hour without looking right, and even when he does he’s kind of surprised. His jaw doesn’t hurt any more or less from the muscles he’s been clenching anyway, and he thinks that maybe, just _maybe_ , he has a shot at getting through this.

Which is why when he’s on his knees throwing up beside the Impala a mere fifteen minutes later, he’s stunned at what broke him.

It’s his music. It's the realization that he can’t play it any more. _Any of it_. Every single beat and bar is shot through with Sam beside him. Sam, who has sat there a thousand hours in shotgun while it blasted out filling the car and their life together. Sam, who has mocked it, sung it, slurred it, ignored it, turned it up, turned it down, and even thrown it out of the window.

He spits, wipes the back of his hand across his mouth and thinks it might be fitting to stay on his knees a moment longer.

No Sam, no amulet, no music.

He looks skywards. Which is fucking ridiculous.

But what may be up there is all he has now.

******


End file.
